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tv   Late Night With Jimmy Fallon  NBC  November 5, 2009 3:05am-4:00am EST

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and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, guys. very nice. so excited. thank you. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. happy wednesday. [ cheers ] happy wednesday. it's been raining all day here in new york city, huh? it's awful. the visibility is so bad at laguardia, northwest pilots can't even see their laptops. it's rough. [ light laughter ] first lady michelle obama and second lady jill biden were at game one of the world series tonight in new york.
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yeah, they went because michelle loves baseball, and mrs. biden loves getting out of the house. did you hear about this? this is insane. a woman in philadelphia was arrested after she offered sex in exchange for tickets to a world series game. when we heard about that steve phillpis from espn is like, "what kind of seats you looking for? [ laughter ] i got two. throw in a free hot dog." [ laughter and ohs ] that was you who made that joke. i mean i didn't even -- [ laughter ] can you believe that? the woman offered sex for tickets. in her defense, though, she loves baseball, the eras, the rbis, the stds. [ laughter ] she just loves it. you guys excited for halloween? [ cheers and applause ] only three days away. only three days away, this year, the most popular costumes are bernie madoff, kate gosselin and lady gaga. the lady gaga one is my favorite, except for the fact
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that you have to change it every ten minutes. that's the only problem with that one. [ light laughter ] you know what least popular costume is? bloody joe biden. [ light laughter ] that's what i'm going as. the u.n. announced that it will start text messaging food vouchers to iraqi refugees on their cell phones. you know, for all those people who can't afford food but can afford cell phones. [ light laughter ] what's going on? [ in middle eastern accent ] "did you get the voucher -- free sandwiches. this is great." "no, i haven't gotten it, but have you gotten shazam? you got to download this, i don't know how they do it. they find out the music, you just hold it up to the --" [ laughter ] "maybe it's me -- maybe it's just because i haven't eaten in in six weeks. that's all." [ light laughter ] a new study discovered that children who take psychiatric drugs are likely to gain anywhere from 10 to 20 pounds. that's good. if there is one thing that helps childhood depression it's childhood obesity. that's great. [ laughter ] here's some big sports news, you guys. tennis legend, andre agassi, revealed in his new autobiography that he used crystal meth on a regular basis
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in the late '90s. though, he admits he plays better on grass. [ laughter ] that was your wednesday night tennis joke, you guys. you anted it, you guys got it. your wednesday night -- [ applause ] [ cymbal crash ] [ laughter ] in other news, the -- [ light laughter ] no, agassi actually said that the crystal meth sent him on a manic apartment cleaning binge. so, did you hear that kids, don't do meth unless you want to win the u.s. open and have a really clean apartment, okay? [ light laughter ] you guys, levi johnston, you know, the father of sarah palin's grandson? levi johnston, you guys heard of him? you just didn't answer, you just -- show of hands? is that what you're doing? [ laughter ] well, his manager says he's 90% sure that levi will show full frontal nudity in his "playgirl" photo spread next month. i know, i'm just as shocked as
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you are to hear that levi johnston has a manager. [ laughter ] this is interesting here, women in chicago are buying guns now more than ever. in fact, today on her show, oprah told everyone to look under their seats. "everyone is getting a handgun!" [ cheers and applause ] "it's a glock!" [ laughter ] you guys, lilith fair, the all female music festival, will return next year for an 18 city tour throughout north america and london. so, ladies, get your tickets now and guys, get your other plans ready. [ light laughter ] and finally, a new study found that women's faces actually age and wrinkle just like their mothers. the study was conducted by the american society of wrong things to say to your wife. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: oh, everybody. thank you for watching us. we got a fantastic show tonight. actor and producer and soon to be new york marathon runner, edward norton is here, everybody! i love edward norton. [ cheers and applause ] he's a great actor. good guy. a professional wrestling legend, hulk hogan is joining us tonight! [ cheers and applause ] [ as hogan ] "that's right, brother." i'm so excited. and, of course, the one and only weird al yankovic will be performing. [ cheers and applause ] it's going to be great. i'm so excited. so happy weird al yankovic is here. weird al was my first concert i ever went to. i saw the "dare to be stupid" tour in 1980 something or other. i remember going to see it -- i went with my parents. [ light laughter ] to my first concert ever but i was so excited. and i got a no sleeve "dare to be stupid" tour shirt to wear to school the next day. it was aqua or teal and i thought it was the coolest thing ever, and i'm like, "yeah." and everyone was like, "yeah, whatever." [ laughter ]
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but i was like so -- gosh, this guy puts on a great show. it was upac in kingston, new york is where i saw him and he puts on such a great show, and he kind of inspired me to get into parodies and playing comedy songs and stuff like that. so, he's an idol of mine. i'm just psyched that he's show tonight. i'm just so happy. weird al yankovic will be in the -- [ cheers and applause ] he's awesome. i should remind everyone, tomorrow night i'm going to be on an episode of "30 rock." [ applause ] yeah, signed up for "30 rock" with tina fey and tracy morgan and alec baldwin. it's a pretty funny scene and so i'm just psyched that i got to work with tina again and do the show. it's on tomorrow night at 9:30 after "the office." so, be sure you guys tivo the world series. because that should be -- you're going to want to see that, too. hey, did you ever notice how everything seems scarier in the week leading up to halloween? you know, even little things start to seem like they're haunted?
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i don't want you guys to think i'm crazy, but something really weird happened to me in the office last night. and this is really going to sound crazy, but it has to do with my lamp on my desk. here, take a look. >> happy halloween, mr. fallon. >> jimmy: happy halloween, carl! ♪ [ spooky music ] [ light laughter ]
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♪ >> steve: what up, bud! >> jimmy: ah! geez, higgins, you scared me. >> steve: dude, sorry. you all right? >> jimmy: no, it's no big deal. i just -- hey, dude, while you're here, do you notice anything weird about this lamp? >> steve: what lamp? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: dude, the lamp right there. >> steve: are you drunk? >> jimmy: what? i'm not drunk. >> steve: because if you are drunk, seriously, don't worry about it. i can get you out of here, sneak you through the back door. >> jimmy: steve, good, i found you. i need you to do a voiceover for this sketch. are you -- who are you talking to? >> steve: jimmy. he has some crazy story about a lamp. >> jimmy fallon? >> steve: right there, jimmy fallon. >> jimmy: i'm right here. >> steve: jimmy fallon? >> whatever, man.
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hey, listen, got to get the sketch put away, so if you could come to the voiceover, it would really -- >> tariq: hey, what's up miles? >> hey man, what's up? >> have you seen jimmy? >> jimmy: i'm right here. i'm right here, the lamp's right there. >> how is it, going, man? have you seen jimmy or miles? we're supposed to have we have, like, a writers' meeting. >> he's right there. >> miles? he's right where? >> tariq: man, jimmy thing's annoying, though, because i really need to talk to that guy, and i can't find him anywhere. >> jimmy: i'm right here. oh my god, this is so infuriating. and seriously, no one can tell me what's going on with this lamp? >> steve: still don't see a lamp. >> i still don't have any idea who you're talking to. but i could use a lamp in my office, so if you see one, let me know. >> steve: oh yeah, sure. >> look, if either of you guys see jimmy can you tell him we're looking for him? >> jimmy: i'm right here! >> steve: dude, it's like they can't see you or something. >> seriously, who are you talking to? [ laughter ] >> who are you talking to? >> who are you talking to? >> what do you mean, who am i talking to? >> he's right there. >> there's nobody there. >> jimmy: enough! okay, enough! conference room. right now!
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well, everybody who can see me, just tell the others. [ laughter ] okay, here's the deal. i can see everybody, and i can see the lamp. who here can see the lamp? higgins, can you ask everyone if they can see the lamp? >> steve: can you see the lamp? >> god, no. i can't even see jimmy. you guys can't see a lamp right? >> jimmy: okay, you know what? forget that. let's move on. who here can see the monologue writer? okay, roots. who can see the roots? the basketball player. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: great, so only the black people can see the basketball team. [ laughter ] rachel maddow. anybody? >> hello.
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okay. [ talking over each other ] who can see the guy in the newspaper costume? [ laughter ] okay. that guy is not even a real dude, yet you can all see him. i have no idea what's going on anymore. okay, this is insane. happy halloween! you're all nuts. >> trick or treat, bud. have a happy holiday! >> everything okay, mr. fallon? >> jimmy: i guess so, carl. just a little lamp trouble. >> come on, mr. fallon, i'll take you home. [ spooky laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: stick around, everybody. we'll be right back with "ultimate mustache fighter!" [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (announcer) still tired of morning coming in the middle of the night?
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and thank you for watching. hey, let me ask you guys a question. what do geraldo rivera and wilford brimley have in common? that's right, nothing. except, they both have mustaches that cannot stand each other. it's true. i don't know why, something happened. but there's been death threats, the cops had to get involved on a few occasions. their mustaches just hate each other. and there's only one way to solve a mustache feud this epic. that's right. it's time to switch on over to the steel channel for "ultimate mustache fighter!" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "ultimate mustache fighter" presents, rivera brimley deathstache two, double trouble. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: i'm barry star we got a big one tonight. >> jimmy: welcome to "ultimate mustache fighter" deathstache two, stubble trouble. i'm brock leonard and with me as always, the professor, barry star. barry, we've got a hot one tonight. >> steve: it's a match-up for the ages and the aged. geraldo rivera's mustache taking on the walrus like lip-beard of curmudgeonly actor and quaker
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oats guy, wilford brimley. >> jimmy: there's no love lost between these two mustaches barry, this ring's not is not big enough for these two bushy barbarians, these whiskered warriors. these bristly beasts. these horrendously hairy heathens of horribly hostile hellish hirsuteness. [ light laughter ] >> steve: oh, your face is as red as your head there, brock, but i love you for it. >> jimmy: roll the tape. >> steve: you all right? >> rivera. [ laughter ] brimley. >> one belt, two mustaches. they're on your face, they're in your face! now get out of my face! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. people, put your hands together. we've got world famous ufc referee dan miragliotta in the house. [ cheers and applause ] give it up. here we go. it's time for the main event. now, approaching in the ring weighing in at 0.001 ounces with the record of 11 wins, no losses and two decidedly non-career ending prime-time tv specials in
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the '80s. hailing from under the nose of geraldo rivera, is the ultimate mustache fighting champion of the world, geraldo rivera's mustache. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: oh, and he's got the eye of the tiger tonight, brock. assuming he has eyes which he does not. >> jimmy: and his opponent weighing in at 0.01 and a quarter ounces with a record of 6 wins, no losses and two cocoon movies. he's gruff, he's tough, he's wilford brimley's mustache. and he's just about had enough. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: brimley's mustache may be old, but he's a fighter. by frequently waging a 30-year battle with diabetes. >> jimmy: he's a tough mustache. here he is -- there going at it already. it's pandemonium in the ring. all hell is breaking loose! everybody calm down, all right. the order has finally been restored. now, let's go to the ref. [ bell ringing ] >> all right, mustaches, you ready to fight? let's go, fight! >> jimmy: and there they go! [ cheers ] there they go with their full on -- is on the action.
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>> steve: truly, truly a repugnant display of brutality, brock. don't they realize, children could -- oh! children could be watching this. >> jimmy: if that's true, is kid's are watching they're probably crying hysterically in their parents arms right now. [ cheers ] i'd rather subject an innocent child to a "faces of death" marathon before exposing him or her to the madness presently unfolding before us in the ring. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: i agree with everything you just said. >> jimmy: oh! >> steve: oh! >> jimmy: brimley's mustache -- brimley's mustache just knocked geraldo's mustache to ground! [ cheers and applause ] don't expect to get up from up that! he looks done! >> steve: the champ is down! the champ is down! >> jimmy: wait, what's brimley's mustache up to? what's that crazy 'ole s.o.b. doing -- it can't be. my god it is, he's going to attempt the follicleular manslaughter, a move recently deemed both physically and scientifically impossible by professors at m.i.t. >> steve: no! >> jimmy: i can't believe this is happening. there he goes! he's gonna do it. [ cheers and applause ] he's gonna do it! >> tv's hottest new crime drama, detective jam face. >> looks like someone had a date with murder. >> thursdays, on "steel." >> steve: oh, my god.
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i can't believe just what happened. that was probably the most amazing thing i've ever seen in my life. let's go to the ring. brock, can you hear me? >> jimmy: professor berry, what we all just witnessed was sports history, no it was human history. i am so happy be to be alive, i have just given myself an "ultimate mustache" erection, and i'm going to streak home straight to my wife and use it before i lose it. [ laughter ] it don't get no better than this. that's all i know right now, oh, yeah. the winner and new "ultimate mustache fighting" champion, wilford brimley's mustache. [ cheers and applause ] that's right, we'll be right back, everybody with edward norton! come on back! ♪ r house, faster and easier than ever before? well now you can, introducing the new... powerful... lightweight... oreck xl platinum vacuum. you don't vacuum open floors, you vacuum rooms filled with furniture.
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everybody, and thank you so much for watching. some exciting mustache fighting there. but first up, our first guest is a two-time academy award nominee, who's films include "primal fear," "american history x," and "fight club." he produced, " by the people: the election of barack obama" which airs tuesday november 3rd at 9:00 p.m. on hbo. say hello to edward norton, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: good to see you buddy. >> thank you. i like that theme. >> jimmy: you like that? good. we have double hulk -- we have double hulk on the show tonight. cause i have you and we have hulk hogan. >> i wonder who would win. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. well, if you're angry, it depends. >> yeah. >> jimmy: 'cause that's how angry he is. >> me. >> jimmy: yeah. of course. yeah. excatly. you'd be running. >> you and me are both in trouble. >> jimmy: we're both in trouble. i'm running, yeah.
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i was talking to hulk back stage and he said if you're a hulk-a-maniac from the day, he protects you for life. [ light laughter ] >> that's good. >> jimmy: yeah. so you just say, "i'm a fan." he won't hit you. [ light laughter ] you're like, "all right. that's good." >> that's easy. >> jimmy: last time i saw you was at snl and -- when drew barrymore hosted. >> yes. >> jimmy: time before that, i think was she hosted, before you, showed up at the -- cause everyone is usually -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: you are a serious actor, but you do funny things. >> yes. >> jimmy: cameos. you do funny things a lot of the times. >> and "death to smoochy." >> jimmy: and "death to smoochy" -- [ cheers and applause ] >> very serious -- >> jimmy: very serious? >> one of my most dramatic films. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but, umm, no. yeah, and, you know, i would have done it on drew's, then again i was just traveling and couldn't get back in time. but i love doing -- it's over there. >> jimmy: so fun. well come back if you ever want to ultimate mustache fight or anything. [ light laughter ] we'd love to have you on. you have a crazy weekend coming up. explain to people what is going on? >> well, i'm running in the new york marathon. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i can't do it. wow, i don't -- >> it's a -- >> jimmy: i don't -- >> since i found out -- you know, i thought it was 2.62 miles. it's 26.2. [ laughter ] yeah. >> jimmy: a little difference there. >> i don't know if you knew
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that. >> jimmy: i don't know. i'm not good with decimal points. yeah. >> i got alerted to that last week. and -- yeah. >> jimmy: 22.6 miles? >> yeah. 26.2 >> jimmy: 26.2? >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, i would have passed out by 2.4. yeah, i would have been on the ground. >> so i'm going to gear up. i'm a new yorker. and you know -- this definitely -- [ cheers and applause ] there's a thing -- it's an iconic new york event. i've always thought of doing it, but i got roped into it because i'm involved with a really good organization, conservation organization, and we're doing it as a team to benefit an environmental effort in africa. >> jimmy: like the maasai -- >> yeah. it's called the maasai wilderness conservation trust. and it's a great organization working to preserve african ecosystems. >> jimmy: how did you get involved in that? you're just out there? >> you know, i was traveling out there. i made some friends out there, i have some family that lives out there and i was just super impressed with this one community in the maasai area that's just doing amazing. amazing work to recover lion populations and make grassland
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conservancies. i became friends with some of these -- >> jimmy: they're going to run with you during the marathon. >> yeah. three of these young maasai warriors from southern kenya are running on our team and are staying in my apartment. [ light laughter ] oddly. >> jimmy: look at this. there they are. they're getting -- what, are they getting sneakers there? >> they are. puma is sponsoring our team, which is very cool. and the guys here are getting outfitted for puma running shoes. these are their sandals next to them, which are made from off-road tires. and they usually run in those, but i think they may convert. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: after being covered with a sneaker. >> this guy right here on the far right, broshi, he in the park this past weekend, he ran a 5:50 mile pace for 10 miles in his rubber tire sandals. >> jimmy: how are you going to keep up with these guys? [ laughter ] >> you know, like -- you know like when the millennium falcon takes off and everything blurs, like that's how it feels to be behind them. [ laughter ] it's like everything recedes into the distance. >> jimmy: maybe they could pull
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you. maybe just sit on like a skateboard or something and have them pull you for the whole marathon. [ laughter ] >> oh my god. roller blades. >> jimmy: yeah. your knees behind you -- >> three miles -- >> jimmy: because i would never do it. but these guys are in your apartment now. they are in new york city. >> they're gonna be -- they'll probably be watching this tonight. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: do they know much about like television or anything? >> yeah. these guys are very -- they're very traditional maasais. very proud of their culture, but very modern guys, you know. they're really committed to this work, and they're -- they're really interested in new york, but some of it just -- some of it doesn't square -- like people picking up after dogs is been a constant source of amusement to them. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so, like, what are you >> jimmy: do they know much about like television or anything? >> yeah. these guys are very -- they're very traditional maasais. very proud of their culture, but very modern guys, you know. they're really committed to this work, and they're -- they're really interested in new york, but some of it just -- some of it doesn't square -- like people picking up after dogs is been a constant source of amusement to them. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so, like, what are you doing? >> yeah. and i took them to the
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planetarium >> jimmy: that's great. >> and whoopi goldberg narrates -- >> jimmy: yeah, the -- >> -- the space show. and you go off to space and there's on of those like bass rumbles in the -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> -- the seats all shake. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and one of these guys went for the aisle. he thought the building was coming down. >> jimmy: he just took off? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, that's what i would have done, too. >> yes. >> jimmy: like, "wait, what's going on?" the other thing you did, which, i mean, this freaked me because you could do anything in new york city. you took them to the planetarium and that's a cool thing to do. you also took them to meet david blaine and have him do a trick for them. i mean, wait, that must have freaked his mind out. i mean -- [ light laughter ] >> i don't know what -- i don't know what the maasai word is for witch doctor. [ laughter ] but that's what -- >> jimmy: it must have -- i mean, honestly, it's a cool thing that you're doing. >> yeah. yes. >> jimmy: i met some maasai. i went to africa once. and i had a digital camera, and i was just taking pictures and i showed them the picture, and
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they were just freaking out, like "what is that?" like, "that is insane." imagine what they were doing to the heads of david blaine in the room. what is going on? >> he actually -- the guy in the picture there while doing that trick, he did the thing of taking a watch, you know. he took his watch, he stole his watch while doing the trick for him. and that was -- he was talking about that for days. >> jimmy: oh really? i love that. i also lost my watch. great hanging out with you. >> i think, if we could take blaine back to kenya. >> jimmy: yeah. >> we could, like, control the whole southern half of the country. >> jimmy: you probably could. [ laughter ] that's a good idea, actually. >> yeah and like have -- >> jimmy: let's tell about this documentary you're doing on hbo, "by the people." >> yeah. >> jimmy: this is so cool. you got involved with obama when he was senator obama. before -- >> we did, yeah. we had this idea to -- to track his experiences in the senate. you know, we were all struck by him as many people were after that convention speech. and we kind of thought, here's a guy who is more our age than parents' age, who, young people are really responding to. maybe it would be an interesting way to engage people in politics by just following what he encounters in the senate.
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so that's what we started off doing. we filmed for almost a year before he even declared his candidacy. and then -- and then, amazingly, we persuaded them to let us keep going. and so we got this incredible opportunity to be the only crew that was given inside access to the campaign while it was happening. and we made this film that ultimately became a film about his campaign scene from the inside. >> jimmy: it's all behind the scenes stuff from -- when, when, you know, all the issues were coming up, people debating them and this is all what's happening -- >> yeah, we filmed debate prep. we filmed him and michelle at home with the family. and really -- really actually a historic amount of access to a presidential candidate. >> jimmy: so cool, and you had had everybody working on the campaign, which we have footage of. >> we did. one of the --i have to say, i think the film, as much as anything, is really a portrait of the young people who made up his movement, and of the democratic process in a lot of ways. i think it's the not just for obama supporters, it really will
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be of interest to everybody. and i think one of the things that's most cool about it is seeing the young people at work. and some of them are really young. like we have some -- what is it, this one 9-year-old kid who worked the phone banks. >> jimmy: 9 years old. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. he must have been fun to hang out with. >> yeah, he's actually governor of illinois now. >> jimmy: is he governor? [ laughter ] okay, it's nap time now. yeah. we have a clip. let's take a look. >> yeah. take a look at this. >> i'm 9 years old. i'm a volunteer with the obama campaign. how are you? yes, i am. obama is a candidate running for president. he is a candidate running for president. he is a candidate running for president of the united states of america. no, hillary is running for president.
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obama -- okay, have a wonderful day. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, have a wonderful day. i tell you. >> governor of illinois. >> jimmy: working -- >> governor of illinois. >> jimmy: "by the people: the election of barack obama" airs tuesday november 3rd at 9:00 p.m. on hbo. good luck with the marathon. >> thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: edward norton, everybody! hulk hogan is up next! come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. i should say quickly, that if you want to follow edward, you can go to -- you can follow edward norton on twitter, right? >> yeah. first time on twitter. >> jimmy: and also >> yeah, you can sponsor the guys. >> jimmy: sponsor the guys and you. for the good cause. >> absolutely.
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thanks. >> jimmy: no problem, buddy. our next guest is one of the faces on pro wrestling's mt. rushmore and among the world's most famous celebrity athletes. he's got a new book out right here. it's just out yesterday, announcing, a long-waiting return to wrestling just happened as well. get ready hulk-a-maniacs. here he comes brother! hulk hogan, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. >> jimmy: wow. >> wait a minute. hold on. i'm a huge fan of both these guys. you're unbelievable. you're awesome, dude.
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this guy. >> edward: but i change. you don't change. you're like -- >> i'm only about 95 years old, bro. come on. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you do look -- >> thank you, brother. thanks for killing it man. you're awesome. thanks, brother. >> jimmy: oh, my god. you can't believe -- the 12-year-old me right now is having a heart attack. [ laughter ] this is exciting. >> i've got a bad neck, why do i have to look back? >> jimmy: no, it's all right. i can move up here. i can move the desk. >> oh, cool. i'm just kidding. >> jimmy: i mean, you're strong enough. >> man, this is awesome. >> jimmy: you do whatever you want on our show. you can host if you want. i don't care. i mean, really. i had every single hulk hogan thing when i was growing up. i had bandanas. i had dolls of yours. i remember -- you remember thinking -- thumb wrestling. >> yeah, brother. yeah. >> jimmy: i would put it on your thumb and i would wrestle you and andre the giant. they're really -- i'm just basically wrestling -- i'm wrestling myself, basically. [ light laughter ] and that would just give me hours of entertainment. >> yeah, i've got all that junk back at the house. i've got like a memorabilia room. and downstairs, there's so much stuff and i recently got the house back, because i went through this divorce. >> yeah! >> so, i got to go downstairs -- [ cheers ] i got to go downstairs and look around, you know, and i'm not trying to be a perv or anything, but i found these hulk hogan
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boxer shorts with you know a picture of me on the side of the shorts. so i gave them to my girlfriend. and i said, "hey, jennifer wear these things, man. it looks awesome to see myself walking around the house." i'm going, "there i go." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, that's pretty sick. yeah. >> she puts them on to clean. yeah, it's pretty cool you know. >> jimmy: dude, we've got to talk about this. >> sure, brother. >> jimmy: "my life outside the ring." this is a pretty intense book. >> yeah, it got pretty heavy there for a while. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i kind of like bottomed out, you know and i had everything just turn upside down. you know, my 23-year marriage ended and my son had an accident in a car, and one of the young men that was living with us, he ended up in the hospital. and just everything disappeared at once. and i had had a couple real, real bad days. you know so -- >> jimmy: is this after "hogan knows best?" i mean, is this -- >> yeah. yeah, everything was over. i was actually shooting a show with nbc called "american gladiators," a prime time show. and i was actually on the set with laila ali, and i was getting ready to open this thing up and "welcome to american gladiators."
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and the sony sound stage was full and my phone rang and i had to answer it because, you know of all the legal stuff going on, and it's my lawyer, and he goes, you know, "your wife just filed for divorce." so it was a major drop-kick of all time so i had to regroup and get through it, and it kind of went downhill from there, you know. >> jimmy: i think the book opens up with you having a gun, a loaded gun. >> yeah. yeah, it got crazy. because it was to the point where i had this gun and i bought it for target practice and stuff like that. and i kind of put it in a safe and left it there. and when i got home and all of the rooms were empty and all of my animals were gone and there were pictures of the family everywhere. i kind of, like, sat in this chair that i had because of my back and knees were so bad, i couldn't brush my teeth without sitting down. so, i sat in this chair, and i kind of just snapped into that old wrestling mentality and said, "where's that bottle?" i grabbed the bottle of rum and started drinking it, and i found this bottle of pills in the drawer and started eating them. and i had two of the worst days in my life. and laila ali called me and snapped me right out of it.
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but -- >> jimmy: on behalf of fans everywhere, i mean, we're so happy you didn't do that. >> oh, cool, man. >> jimmy: we love you so much. >> no. no, thank you, brother. [ cheers and applause ] no, but you know, from that point on it changed my life, because i got sick and tired of being sick and tired. and i snapped out of it. and i realized life was beautiful and people are honest, and people were cool. and it was a situation where from that point on, nothing but great things have been happening to me. so, that's why i just wanted to write this book, because so many people are losing homes and having tough times with jobs, like in the neighborhood i live in, there was never a house for sale. now there's 50 or 60 homes for sale. so, i said if i can pull the nose up on my deal, you know and there's so many people that know me and watch me. i just wanted everybody to know that things are cool, you know. and it gets better. >> jimmy: yeah. you set the record straight, too, about what you went through. and sometimes i think being a celebrity, like tabloids can go one side and all you hear is from one side and then you go, "well, i've got to tell my side." >> well, you know it got crazy, because when this whole thing
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went down you know, i said, "you know, i'm not going to say a word. i'm going to let this thing roll out." so, after four or five months of getting killed in the tabloids, you know, "the guy is a nut case." "he's done all this stuff." all of my friends and especially my close friends, eric bischoff, and my manager, jimmy hart said, "if you don't say something, you're not even going to have a career left." so, i went ahead and you know, i spoke up and i said, "you know i just don't want to be calling a reporter every week and doing this back and forth. we'll just write the book, set he record straight and move on with my life." and things are going great, you know? >> jimmy: good man. and speaking of jimmy hart, by the way, i saw him back stage. >> yeah. >> jimmy: he threw dust in my eyes. >> brother, i tell you -- [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: and took my legs out. exactly. >> looking for a leg lock. we're a tag team. >> well, lou albano was a really great friend of mine, you know and he just passed away, so i said, "jimmy man, come on up here." so, jimmy hart is one of the greatest wrestling managers of all time. and he's going around shaking everybody's hands and i was telling, "get everybody's wallet while you're doing it." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: the old thing. well, you just announced, i mean, this is a big announcement. i don't know if you guys knew this. hulkster is back wrestling.
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>> yup. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: are you in wrestling? >> no, i'm kind of like going to australia for a couple days to get the old sea legs back in the old yellow boots. but when i come back, i've been watching what's going on, and there's only one company and there's no choices for the fans or the talent. and i said, "you know what, i've known a lot about this business and i want to give everybody a choice again." so, i've hooked up with tna. and i don't know what's going to happen, but i know just a little bit about this business. so, it's going to be kind of cool to get back in there and talk to this young guys about theory and the art form and get them back on track with this thing. >> jimmy: kind of cool, now that you have all this experience, you can actually go back and say, "do it again." >> well, i do know a little bit about that. the wrestling business, yes. >> jimmy: i think you do. absolutely. you're the greatest. ladies and gentlemen, hulk hogan! >> thank you guys! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks so much. "my life outside of the ring," is in stores now. we'll be right back with weird al yankovic, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ meet bob. bob's helping us see where it's easier to find money.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, guys, welcome back. our next guest is a musical comedy icon and a big favorite of mine. this week, he released the definitive collection of his work, "the essential weird al yankovic." [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, weird al!
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: weird al, i'm so happy. thanks for coming on, i really appreciate it. >> hey. my pleasure. my pleasure. >> jimmy: i used to listen to "dr. demento" all of the time, growing up. on sunday nights. >> oh, gosh. >> jimmy: and that's how i got into you. >> well, that's how my whole career started was through "dr. demento." you know, every sunday night, i would be there in bed late at night with the sheets pulled up over my head listening to "the alarm clock radio." or at least that's what i told my mom i was doing, but mostly listening to the "dr. demento show." yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and you sent him -- you just sent in a tape which at then was probably reel to reel, right? or was it a cassette. >> it was a cassette tape. you know, you'd get 3 for a buck. in a little pack, in a little compact cassette. >> jimmy: yeah. >> my recording budget is much more these days. but back then i was going for value. >> jimmy: you recorded in the bathroom, right? am i -- >> this was before the bathroom. this was the bedroom days. j>> oh, really? >> i moved on to the bathroom later when i wanted the "bathroom wall of sound" effect.
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, you're getting sued by phil spector for that, yeah, yeah. but i mean, gosh -- you have "the essential weird al." did you ever think this would ever happen? >> jim, you know, i've got to tell you, i feel a little disingenuous promoting "the essential weird al yankovic," because as, you know, as critics around the world, i think, agree unanimously every sound track i've ever released is essential. so -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: finally, finally, yeah. >> i feel like i'm living a lie here. so, i'm really sorry. >> jimmy: that's true. but this is amazing, and now the other thing you're doing, i think is really cool is thing called internet leak. >> yes. >> jimmy: now, what you're doing is just leaking all of these songs on the internet -- on the interweb. >> if somebody's going to do it, i should, i think. before somebody else can leak them, i should do it myself. >> jimmy: right, leak your own music. >> why not? >> jimmy: but you're leaking 5 songs. and then eventually you're going release album with other songs plus those five songs. >> well, i don't know if it's going to be an album. it's like i want to embrace the new technology. and you know, the cds are sort of on their way out. and digital downloads are where it's at now. but, i think by the time the next album comes out, maybe a brain implant.
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[ light laughter ] i think i'm going that direction, now. >> jimmy: let's get working on that. that'll be awesome. >> i'm bleeding edge. >> jimmy: but you're going to play for us tonight, right, when we come back? >> okay. j>> yes! [ cheers and applause ] weird al yankovic, when we come back, he will perform! he said so! he said so right there! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ 360 dusters cleans deep... you'll love it so much, you'll send your old duster packing. ♪ love stinks! ♪ yeah! yeah! ♪ love stinks ♪ [ female announcer ] swiffer 360 dusters cleans deep into hard to reach places and removes allergens, feather dusters can leave behind. the thick all around fibers trap and lock on contact. swiffer gives cleaning a deep new meaning. exact change, buddy. ♪ love stinks! about all the discounts boswe're offering. i've got. i some catchphrases that'llideas make these savings even more memorable. gecko: all right... gecko: good driver discounts. now that's the stuff...? boss: how 'bout this?
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. here again to perform the song "cnr" from his internet leaked ep. please welcome, weird al yankovic! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ charles nelson reilly was a mighty man the kind of man you'd never disrespect ♪ ♪ he stood 8-foot tall wore glasses and he had a third nipple on the back of his neck ♪ ♪ he ate his own weight in coal and excreted diamonds every day he could throw you down a flight of stairs ♪ ♪ but you still would love him anyway yeah you still would love him anyway ♪ ♪ charles nelson reilly won the tour de france with two flat tires and a missin' chain ♪ ♪ he trained a rattlesnake to do his laundry i'm tellin' you the man was insane ♪ ♪ he could rip out your beatin' heart and show it to you right before you died ♪ ♪ every day he'd make the host of match game give him a piggyback ride ♪ ♪ yeah a two-hour
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piggyback ride giddyup gene ♪ ♪ ♪ a ninja warrior master of disguise he could melt your brain with his laser beam eyes ♪ ♪ oh yeah oh yeah ♪ ♪ he had his very own line at the dmv he made sweet sweet love to a manatee ♪ ♪ oh yeah oh yeah that was somethin' to see i tell ya ♪ ♪ charles nelson reilly sold his toenail clippings as a potent aphrodisiac ♪ ♪ he ran a four minute mile blindfolded with an engine block strapped to his back ♪ ♪ he could eat more frozen waffles than any other man i know ♪ ♪ once he fell off the chrysler building and he barely even stubbed his toe ♪ ♪ had a tiny little scratch on his toe didn't even hurt ♪
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♪ ♪ charles nelson reilly figured out cold fusion but he never ever told a soul ♪ ♪ i've seen the man unhinge his jaw and swallow a volkswagen whole ♪ ♪ he'd bash your face in with a shovel if you didn't treat him like a star ♪ ♪ cause you can spit in the wind or tug on superman's cape but lord knows you just ♪ ♪ don't go messin' around with no cnr oh no no no ♪ ♪ talkin' bout cnr ohh ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]


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